Princess Lilue

i didnt realised that i was thinking abt him.. but maybe something stayed at the back of my mind, which resulted in me dreaming abt him....it goes something like this (i could never remember my dreams properly, instead it sort of jumps from one scene to another, which sometimes are not related at all..)

i dunno how i met him or why he's there.. but i was going to go somewhere & he asked whether he could follow me.. i answered something along the line that it doesnt matter where he goes coz it's a free country.. somewhere along the line, we sort of ended up holding hand or something, but even in my dream, i kept thinking that i should not be doing this.. then after that he insisted that we go a certain route & kept looking at his watch.. we were walking.. using escalator & stuff, so i'm assuming we were in a supermarket or something.. we ended up near this bench & there's some kind of bill board thing around or behind us..and then he got exasperated/dissapointed (in the way he always does).. and told me that he wanted to run some kind of msg on the billboard thing behind us, not sure if i remember correctly, but i think it was a birthday wish to me, but it didnt came up..

i guess i do miss him.. and the hurt is just a dull ache now.. at times i'd be thinking what if he really was my "jodoh"..? what if he does comes back? but i do know he doesnt love me.. and i think he doesnt know me the way he should as he has a pre-constructed image of what he wants in a partner.. but guess i'd never know now.. i know ppl would tell me to move on.. after all it has been quite some time now.. but i'd like to think that he loved me in his own way, even if it's not the way i wanted.. i dont think that i could get back together with him, altho i'd loved to..