Princess Lilue

My first dinner party cum birthday went smoothly enough.. Cooked way too much rice, which is slightly tasteless but apart from that the rest was good.. haha.. I know i lived a little out-of-the-way for most of my friends, who mostly live on the other side of KL, so really appreciate those who came..

I appreciate the concern & worries people have on my choice of living arrangements, but heck.. not your problem, is it? at this moment, i'm not up to deal with other people.. nor am i willing to justify myself to anyone.. i may change my mind later.. i might not.. whatever..

But it has made me realised that i do need to be amongst friends.. true friends.. even if other people don't care..
So will plan to have more of this gathering thingy in 2005.. somehow..

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else-Len Wein

Hey.. I'm a year older today.. or as an old friend announced in my friendster, welcome to the late 20s group.. As i got to thinking this morning.. i really don't know how i managed to get thru this year.. in fact, i could still feel the panic, anxiety, humiliation, hurt, hopelessness of the situation when i think about it.. gotta stop it, girl.. you need to get a grip on yourself..

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."

so one of my new year's resolution is.. to be happy.. one way or another.. i owe it to myself to do so..
Well happy birthday to myself.. !



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An update on the tsunami (well, my update anyway):
-so far none of my family are affected.. in fact parents only left my house that morning & only got up to bukit merah where they stayed the nite at Pak Lang's..
-Aida is fine, although kept getting bombarded by calls from KL office abt the tsunami since her boss is on maternity leave..
-Mr Ash's got thru his wedding without mishap.. (well, that's what he says..)
-He said that him & family are also okay..

I've always loved chrismas.. maybe it's coz of all the hype, being the holiday seasons and all.. or maybe just coz chrismas = snow = memories of my life overseas.. or simply that chrismas means my birthday is just round the corner..

anyway.. birthdays have always been special to me...even if there's no colourful-wrapped presents & fancy greeting cards or parties or anything special on the day..it's just "my day".. it's sort of a milestone for me, that i've reached a certain point in life.. in a way, my 'new year' starts then..

This year had made me realised how easy it is to lose yourself, have seen some people's true colour & knowing who you can turn to in times of trouble, also just how truly alone i really am.. but it wasn't all bad.. i have moved to a new place, my job function has increased (still undecided whether this is good or bad..hehe), i sort of know my way around KL now..

I'm hoping that 2005 would be better.. surely it can't get any worst,..right? at least i hope so..


-In The End, Linkin Park -
It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
- his favourite band

Just got my payslips today & my plane ticket.. Wa-hey.. i managed to get a tax refund plus some extra bonuses from my boss.. yeay, now i can go spend it in singapore next week.. free new year trip & money to spend.. how cool is this? \o/ opps, must remember going there for work, not play.. hehe..

i could use a new book.. any recommendations? plus i plan to get my fav perfume too.. ahaks..

Girl.. i so need you right now.. bila la you nak balik from Japan nie?...

What do you say when someone tells you that you have met 'the one'? what do you do when you've already let him go? i know that i've always hoped that my first boyfriend would be my husband, yet after all that i've been thru, thot that was already out of the question..

leaving him was the most difficult decision i had to make.. i've just deleted his emails, smses and phone number recently.. and now you tell me that you want me back with him?!

do i still love him? i think so..
do i think we still have a chance? i'm not sure.. i have a lot of baggages.. if he can't take the heat from me, how is he gonna handle my problems? family who'd kick you when you're down? people waiting to take advantage of you? people who'd ask & ask but never give anything in return?

i know if this is meant to be, it is meant to be.. but how do i forget the hurt he's caused me? the problems that we had ? the fact that he accepted my decision without questioning or fighting it ? i cant be the only one trying to make this work.. i cant help you if you wont help yourself.. but can i forget him? can i let him go? can i be happy with another?

i dont know.. i really dont know..

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

dont be mad at me, it is not my fault.. go vent your anger at them, not me.. i've already had my share of hatred from them, i dont need you to add to it.. and it's one thing to be reminded, but another to be mad at me at things i've yet to do or at mistakes made by others..

just had to rant that out.. there are times when i just can't stand it.. and people ask me why i want to live alone? duh.. if only i could get away.. from everyone and everything.. :(

on another note.. genting was pretty good.. managed to avoid the laptop for almost 3 days.. and the whole weekend.. hehe.. if my bosses can go on leave for 2 weeks, i can at least take these 3 days to laze off..

just reliased that heights are beginning to scare me.. huh! mua? i took on The Big One in Liverpool abt 4 times, 2 times on The Nemesis at Alton Towers, and those rides at Disneyland & Disneyworld.. aiyoo, this is not good.. must be the age thing.. and i so wanted to catch that new ride at Genting & the one at Berjaya.. Having meetings at Genting does not mean you'll get a chance to drop by the theme park.. :p

You don't know how much you mean to certain people. You don't know how loved you are, how admired you are, how respected, how looked up to, how appreciated and how valued you are. Perhaps this is just as well or your head would swell to the size of a hot air balloon. This is a sensitive time. It involves delicate relationships and presents the possibility of difficult exchanges. Yet it also contains much reassurance and comfort. Whatever you are worried about, stop worrying about it.
-Capricorn, Dec 14 2004

Hmm.. i wouldnt know how much of that is true.. esp after all the events that happened this year that just proves just how much people hated me.. and they just wouldnt stop at anything to show their petty claws at me..

But yes, i am not going to burden myself worrying abt it. I've done with my exams, I'll be away from office for the rest of the week.. it's my time to have fun now..

The tougher the times, the more clarity you gain about the difference between what really matters and what you only pretend to care about.

–Po Bronson, Best-Selling Author of “What Should I Do With My Life?”

it's not my intention to take revenge
it's not my fault things are the way they are
it's not my problem what you think
it's not my duty to justify myself to you

Allah must be on my side..

You were speechless!admit it.. hah!now you can say whatever you want.. but we've seen your reaction.. even if no one else does..

My revenge is definitely sweeeet..

As of yesterday, my house is (pretty much) now completed.. hehe..

i know..it's still sumwat unreal even to me.. after all that chaos, to now.. sometimes i think it's sort of a reward to me.. for putting up with so much..

so now my living room & dining is complete, although have not put in any deco lighting just yet.. both rooms now have beds (only..) but dont really use them as much.. hehe.. the hall is still the best coz i get to sleep in front of the telly..

anyway.. will postpone all serious thoughts later.. must concentrate on exam.. yikes!! it's less than a week away.... but i want to go shopping for mirrors & buy flowers & get more pillows &.... :( just get thru this paper & i'll have all the time in the world (apart from work of course..) to go shopping.. now to go on home & hit the books.. after dinner of course.. hehe..