Princess Lilue

Hehe..i'm a confirmed chocoholic... starting to have cravings now actually..havent had chocs for 2 days.. :( well, that's not true.. just had a cream puff with choc top..yummy.. still, it's not actual choc.. maybe i'll drop by somewhere, and celebrate once i complete unpacking my stuff tonite..hmmm..cant wait to go home..

erk.. now i know why ppl dont like auditors.. hahah & i'm part of that... somehow, i have no idea how i managed to land this job considering that i think that i dont have most of the traits required for this job... anyway..i'd rather be on this end, rather than my clients..

i know i'm way to close to screwing up my job.. dunno why.. my mind is not where it should be.. i'm retreating back to story books & foolish reasons to fulfill my time.. hopefully i'd find my peace one of these days.. the hurt is not that raw anymore.. just like a dull ache.. but i've yet to be really happy since then...cant wait for this year to be over.. so that i can forget all about it.. way too many downs rather than ups.. at times, i'd wonder how i managed to stay sane throughout this.. or i'd be thinking that i'm not being grateful enough, that other ppl have worst problems that i do & i should not be selfish enough to think that i'm the only one with problems..
anyway.. life goes on.. somehow.. and knowing that i passed thru this, proves that i'm stronger that i thought i could be .. now.. if i can get thru this audit.. then i can celebrate getting my house keys this weekend.. that is, if that guy shows up.. haha.. i so do not trust him..

Results
Your answers suggest you are a Nurturer
The four aspects that make up this personality type are:


Summary of Nurturers
Care for the important people in their lives
Strive for harmony and avoid confrontation
Think of themselves as gentle, conscientious, and mature
May have trouble making decisions that could hurt others
More about Nurturers
Nurturers are quiet people who believe in order and diligently look after the people they care about. They focus on the needs of others and establish routines to help them meet their commitments.


Nurturers are the most likely group to say they prefer a job where the same thing happens every day, according to a UK survey.
Nurturers remember details that are important to them, such as their friends' birthdays and anniversaries. People with this personality type value others' feelings and may challenge behaviour they think is insensitive.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Nurturers may feel bitter and seek support by complaining to their colleagues. Under extreme stress, Nurturers may become preoccupied with the worst possible outcome and believe that they are heading for disaster.

Because they are so caring and loyal, Nurturers run the risk of being taken advantage of.

Nurturer Careers
Nurturers are often drawn to jobs that allow them to help others.

got this test from the BBC web (still figuring out how to add a link)..dunno if this is true tho.. i supposed partially.. hehe..

my friend wanted to introduce someone to me.. which i thot, why not?.. however, when the guy did call.. even tho i was expecting it, i never expected to be... hmm, not sure how to describe it.. the thoughts that kept running across my head was - why am i talking to this guy instead of him? I'm dissapointed.. i'm sad.. i'm angry.. part of me wanted it to be him so much.. but part of me do not want to see or talk to him ever.. also, nothing against the new guy, i'm sure he's nice & all.. but somehow i'm not interested.. i know i should make up my mind, esp after such a short conversation, but i'm sorry... it just not right..

my best friend told me that i should let him control my life anymore.. i cant help but compare other guys to him.. i cant help sometimes that i wished i'd stay.. now i know why some women stay in after the love have gone .. its so difficult to let go.. but i dont regret the decision that i have made.. yes, it hurts to be without him, yet it hurts much more when i'm with him.. and now, the hurt is slowly going away..

nope, i dont think i'd pursue it with this guy.. not that i wouldnt want to give anyone a chance.. but this new guy is being a little too desprate for my taste.. i mean sure, i'd be friends with you.. but after 1 call, i wouldnt expect you to call every day, & even during working hours.. of course if it's him, it's a different story, but even he wouldnt call me at the office before say..5pm or if he wanted something like, we're going somewhere that nite etc..

what the heck..? i had a life of my own before him.. i can live on my own after him.. whether there'll be someone special in my life or not, i'm strong enough to go on with my life.. on my own terms..

It is not an easy thing to let go, when you love someone so much.. but what's the point of holding on when you know that he doesnt love you anymore? it hurts much more to miss someone when physically he's next to you.. one side of me feels that if he had asked me to stay, i prolly would have.. but on the other hand, i realised that he didnt love me..prolly never did at all.. oh, i knew he cared, but love(cinta) & care(sayang) is not the same.. sayang is not enough for me.. "i could not stay & make a scene when i know i'm not wanted" (a saying by Audrey Hepburn).. i'm not one for begging..
i've stopped crying now, but the hurt is still raw..


Burn-Usher
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
but you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know it been through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same
find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, umpteen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know it been through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Bridge]
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (cry)

[Breakdown]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

so many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to,
you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know it been through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

i wanted to write something before i go.. but no idea what to write abt.. i'll be going back home tonite.. luckily my housemate is willing to send me to the airport, otherwise would have to call the cab & fork out at least 50 bucks.. better remind myself to buy them dinner or something.. also cathcing a ride with my best friend, prolly monday or tuesday due to the merdeka hols..

think have a lot to discuss with parents.. dunno if we can ever reach to a decision.. but there's things to think abt..

ahh.. better ciao first.. think later.. ciao..



There is only one success - to spend your life in your own way. -
Christopher Morley, 1890-1957, American Novelist, Journalist, Poet

create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide

I couldn't help but grab this book, "How to be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of life" from the Changi airport bookstore. i know, i'm broke & burning my last dollars on crappy stuff, but think this was a good buy..

ermm.. i could easily relate to the advices given by the lady herself.. although i'm not declaring myself to be as "lovely" nor "elegant" like her.. i do hope someday ppl would say that abt me tho..:) insya allah..

i hope i can find happiness that she had found.. sure, life has its ups & downs, and there'll always be never ending problems to solve.. it all in the package.. but you can handle all that when you are comfortable with who you are & what you do... i have not found that yet.. somehow, i'm still unsatisfied, still searching for that something..

10 ways to make your mind up

From what to wear to whether to change jobs, here’s how to stop dithering and start making great decisions.

1. Think in numbers

Write a list of pros and cons for your decisions, and then convert those into percentages. For example, changing your job might be 80% positive and 20% negative.

“Seeing your choice in terms of cold, hard figures gives you a much clearer perspective on it,” says Gary Cooper, Professor of Organisational Psychology at Lancaster University, UK.

2. Go with your instinct

“Gut instinct guides us through dozens of minor decisions every day but when it comes to the big stuff, it gets muddled by worries and obligations,” says UK life coach Lynda Field.

“Start noticing how much you rely on your gut feelings every day and it’ll be easier to tap into them over bigger dilemmas,” she adds.

3. Pay a professional

Whatever your quandary, there’s a specialist out there who can help you. A session with a relationship counsellor or career consultant will focus your feelings and give you strategy to help you decide.

4. Toss a coin

If your shopping trip has stalled because you can’t decide between white and red flip-flops, toss a coin. If the coin falls in favour of the white flip-flops and your heart sinks, you’ll know to take those red ones straight to the till.

5. Recall bad decisions

It’s painful but if you go over a bad decision, you’ll see where you went wrong. Did you listen to your head, not your heart? Or did you do what other people expected, not what you wanted?

Pinpoint that mistake and you won’t make it again.

6. Say what you don’t want

When you can’t even begin to find your way through a maze of choices, start by mapping out what you don’t want, then see what’s left. With fewer options, you’ll feel less overwhelmed and the right path will be easier to spot.

7. Feel the fear

Fear of making the wrong choice makes us stall on big decisions. But imagine how frustrated you’ll be if you don’t make the decision and are still in your current situation in a year’s time – it’ll spur you on.

8. Start small

“Making good decisions is about having confidence in your judgment,” according to psychologist Sue Firth. “Start by setting yourself small decisions, such as what outfit to wear. When you can do this well, you’ll learn to trust yourself over the bigger things, too.”

9. Buy yourself some time

The worst decisions are usually the ones we make in a hurry because they’ re based on our emotions at that moment. If you can reflect on something – even if it’s only for 20 minutes – your judgment will be much sounder.

10. Start imagining

“lmagine that you’ve already made the decision, then examine how you feel,” says Liz Tucker, author of When You Want To Say Yes But Your Body Says No.

“It’s normal to be nervous but if you’re also excited, go for it. If you’ve got a sense of dread, however, it’s not the best option right now.” – UPS

Wahai hati,
Aku tahu diri mu berduka
Aku tahu kau memedam rasa,
Pilu yang mengusik jiwa,
Lantas mengalirlah airmata.

Wahai hati,
Ujian datang bertimpa2,
Kehidupan jadi tak selesa semula,
Kehilangan pastikan menjelma,
Dan keresahan datang lagi mengoda.

Wahai hati,
Usah kesali pada rindu yang hilang,
Usah mengharap pada kasih dan sayang,
Usah dikenang pada kemesraan semalam,
Lantaran semuanya tak mungkin tercapai tangan.

Wahai hati,
Simpan segala duka mu,
Pamirkan semula keriangan mu,
Agar tiada siapa yang tahu,
Hati mu kini kosong,
Kaku dan beku.

a

Is there such thing s a perfect job?? i'm sure there are..somehow.. i mean, you hear abt ppl who love their job etc etc.. somehow i always imagine that the dream job that we wanted, the things that we love to do.. e.g. write, paint, bake/cook, read, travel,... not quite the money making type.. well, given that you're no pioneer in these fields anyway..

I happened to read my horoscope (i dont take these stuff seriously, but it's fun to read anyway..) one day & got struck by what was said. it's quite general, yet nailed my feelings right on..

"You're tired of performing duties that don't seem to make a positive difference in the world. If you can't leave your present situation, begin volunteering for an organisation that does work you admire. Pretty soon, you'll gain enough prominence and stature to seize a paying position. When you do what you love, the money will follow. It's a powerful law of the Universe."

if only it was that easy.. i cant even decide what is it that i love.. hehe.. altho some in my lists are:
1. reading - is there some kind of job where ppl would pay me to read?? maybe become a book reviewer (does it even exists?)
2. baking - i love baking, but i'm no delia smith or any of those well-known chefs.. i dont even have that much of a variety in cooking.. altho no one has died just yet..
3. interior decorating - i love pretty things, i love shopping...i dont have that much money to spend tho... i do not have a spic & span, gleaming with cleanliness type rooms.. hehe.. so i doubt anyone would pay me to make-over their room..

i seem to like creative stuff, yet i think too conversatively, too practical.. so where do i fit in the world right now? hmm.. i have no idea.. :p

so have a good weekend.. since i still cant move this weekend, i'll most likely go shopping.. i so cant get that shoe in OU out of my mind.. i really cant spend my money on stuff like there when there's a whole list of items, which i cant afford in my list of essentials.. oh well.. mega sale is only 3x per year.. haha..

He's getting married tonite!! After isyak... omg!!

who is he? hmm.. good question really.. he's more than just my friend.. he's not quite my ex.. it's somewhere in between.. but he is the closest male friend i've got, and prolly the one who understands me the most.. or at least i'd like to think so..

we met during my first year of uni.. he was a friend of a friend.. we went out.. we called each other often.. we never managed to cross that gf/bf thing tho.. not sure why.. guess it was never meant to be.. but he'll always be special to me..

i know during the time that we knew each other, i have hurt him unintentionally many times.. prolly was the last straw the last time we fought.. we hadnt had contact for a while (which with him, it wasnt surprising), but when he did, it was to inform me abt his new gf (now fiance). It was a promised we made to each other, to always tell each other the truth & tell the other if we met someone else. no hard feelings if we do and hopefully will always be friends.

i think i'm brave enough to go to his akad.. i know he's really expecting me to come.. he specifically asked me to come.. but am i ready to face the fact that he'll belong to another forever? that i no longer have that special place in his heart? it's not gonna be the same after this altho he promised that he's still my friend.

no, i'm too coward to face it. i'll just hear abt it, or read his mail but to see it.. well, i know i'm able to maintain my composure in front of other people, but not quite to myself.. oh, i'm happy for him.. he has been unhappy for a while, he deserve some happiness.. but for me to see it, given my own heartbreak is still too raw, i'm not sure i'm able to take it.. maybe my decision not to go is wrong.. maybe it's better for me to see with my own eyes..

i promised him i'd call before he leave the country.. maybe i shud just call tonite, before the event.. maybe i shud wait till he's abt to leave.. maybe i wont call him at all.. me being the softie, i will call him, i can break his heart another time.. he's already too dissapointed that i'm not coming tonite.

he's getting married?? i still cant believe it..

As of 4++pm yesterday, my bro is the proud father of a healthy baby boy, Iman Reza. However, due to some complication, SIL had to go thru Ceasarian instead of normal delivery..

Congrats to the two proud parents..

I havent actually heard the song, but found it when i was bloghopping.. just what i needed to remind myself..

That's All I Want

Take it from me

That you're gonna be in love

Just give yourself some time

You're just in a shaky frame of mind

Take it from me

That everyone's not that way

Just out to break your heart

So baby don't fall apart

I know that it hurts sometimes

But girl if you let me ride

I'll make you feel the way you want

I'll make you feel like you're in love

Don't want you to compromise

We can just take our time

Whatever makes you feel you're loved

That's all I want

Take it from me

You're gonna love someone

I can see it in your eyes

Somebody's gotta treat you right

Take it from me

Your life is bound to change

He'll never, ever break your heart

You'll never have to feel that pain

Cont..
 
Fuh! I did managed to go through it.. It wasn’t easy tho.. I kept thinking that someone might notice how uncomfortable I am but since no one knew, I guess it didn’t occurred to them..
 
I mean.. how do we go back to those old haunts.. places that we’ve been with that person.. things that we did with them.. ?? How do we face these old flames of ours? To be within that close proximity to someone I’m not ready to face, the thought of possibility of a chance meeting with him, when the scar has not fully healed.. is a little too unnerving.. too awkward..
 
when do I say I’ve finally moved on? When I met someone else? What if I don’t meet that anyone.. ? not only did I have to have business dinner next to his office tonite, I also have to decide whether I am able to make it to another old crush’s wedding next month.. is this some sort of test to check whether I am over these people?? Come on, the hurt is still way too raw for me to even rely on my rational thinking..
 
I dunno abt other ppl or how they’d react.. but I myself tend to believe that these ppl who has played some parts in my live that is close to my heart.. would tend to stir some feeling when I do meet them again..i mean, that’s why they were in your life in the first place right? although the feeling would most likely to have change to just tenderness or friendship or something I cant truly explain..

testing...

Oh no...
 
do i dare to be within close proximity with him? regardless that i have a remote chance of actually facing him face-to-face... i guess cant back out now...
 
Will provide more details after i go through this...