Princess Lilue

He's getting married tonite!! After isyak... omg!!

who is he? hmm.. good question really.. he's more than just my friend.. he's not quite my ex.. it's somewhere in between.. but he is the closest male friend i've got, and prolly the one who understands me the most.. or at least i'd like to think so..

we met during my first year of uni.. he was a friend of a friend.. we went out.. we called each other often.. we never managed to cross that gf/bf thing tho.. not sure why.. guess it was never meant to be.. but he'll always be special to me..

i know during the time that we knew each other, i have hurt him unintentionally many times.. prolly was the last straw the last time we fought.. we hadnt had contact for a while (which with him, it wasnt surprising), but when he did, it was to inform me abt his new gf (now fiance). It was a promised we made to each other, to always tell each other the truth & tell the other if we met someone else. no hard feelings if we do and hopefully will always be friends.

i think i'm brave enough to go to his akad.. i know he's really expecting me to come.. he specifically asked me to come.. but am i ready to face the fact that he'll belong to another forever? that i no longer have that special place in his heart? it's not gonna be the same after this altho he promised that he's still my friend.

no, i'm too coward to face it. i'll just hear abt it, or read his mail but to see it.. well, i know i'm able to maintain my composure in front of other people, but not quite to myself.. oh, i'm happy for him.. he has been unhappy for a while, he deserve some happiness.. but for me to see it, given my own heartbreak is still too raw, i'm not sure i'm able to take it.. maybe my decision not to go is wrong.. maybe it's better for me to see with my own eyes..

i promised him i'd call before he leave the country.. maybe i shud just call tonite, before the event.. maybe i shud wait till he's abt to leave.. maybe i wont call him at all.. me being the softie, i will call him, i can break his heart another time.. he's already too dissapointed that i'm not coming tonite.

he's getting married?? i still cant believe it..