Princess Lilue

was watching JK Rowling's interview with Oprah, where she was talking about how hitting rock bottom was the start of her success.

i admit, i'm not sure i've ever hit rock bottom. failures sure, sadness - lotsa times. rock bottom - maybe not quite. life has its ups & downs. i've been at the "down" part a few times. it's no fun i tell you. but does tells you what you want (or rather what you dont want) in life..

but yeah, its not the fall that defines you. its what you do when you fall that matters. if you fall but dont pick yourself up after that, then that's it. no one can really help you.

I'm still having that.. out-of-sort feeling.

could be due to the change - new place, new job, new faces.. still trying to absorb it all

but i do feel out of sort somehow..

not that i dont like the place, i do. it has potentials.

the job - i can tell they are going easy on me for the moment.

maybe it's just that i was really eager to prove myself, the shock from non-stop working to almost no job/tasks at all.. the mind just cant take it..

so when i did finally have something to do, the mind went blank.

i do have tendencies to.. lack of a better word, slack off a bit at first. not so much coz i dont want to do it or such. just that doing something for the first time, i tend to fumble a little.. like trying to move in the dark kinda thing.. tried to avoid it, but somehow, it repeats itself.. i do get better in time, of course..

Noticed i started to read again? partly coz i have some time on my hand..

Another reason is i'm burying my head in the books, to buy time..

to not face my fears just yet. but i do have to. no one else can do it for me..