Princess Lilue

I was visiting a sick family friend yesterday with my parents.. they (the immediate family and some close relatives) were planning to have some baca yassin session for the pakcik and invited us to join in.. i've known them literally my whole life, heck, the makcik was there when i was born..hehe.. anyway, as she was busy preparing for the guests as well as trying to cater to pakcik's needs, she said that she was hoping that her only daughter might be able to come. She lives not that far away, but in actual fact, she is pretty much been cut off from her own family..

You see, the husband is some hot-shot rich guy.. he not only forbid her from wearing any makeup whatso ever (and she's an ex-stewardess at that) or working, she is also not allowed to go out of the house unless accompanied by him or his mother/sister.. and that includes her own parent's house.. duh! and yes, she has tried to get him to compromise/change/understand, but after a while, she has totally given up & decided that she's only living for the sake of her daughter and doesnt care what become of herself anymore.... and now, she can't even come home to visit her sick father!! Her own father, for god-sakes.. masya allah..!! I wonder how one can be such small minded and tak berhati perut langsung.. (disclaimer: tak tau ler pulak kalau they have some valid reason whatsoever for not coming.. but then again, their current living situation have not change as far as i know.. )

You have a daughter of your own, you know.. what if when you are old & sick, she doesnt come back to see you? And so far, you only have one child, at least they have their sons, although that doesn't lessen the pain.. If that happens, i'd say, padan ler muka sendiri.. but then again, one shouldn't wish for such things, right?

Anyway, i wish all the best to the family in this trying times..

***************
Looking at them, it makes me realise that my parents are not as young as they used to be.. in fact, we were on our way back from 'berurut' at a relative's house coz my dad's been having migraine lately.. :o nothing serious of course, but hopefully it will help..

waa.. some kind of baby boom season or something these days? just found out, apart from both my ex-housemates, two of my ex-schoolmates during A-levels also just gave birth..

hmm.. patut terasa ke? hehe.. maybe not.. ahaks..

Just wanna say congrats to my ex-housemate & hubby.. their baby girl was safely delivered early this morning.. alhamdulillah.. will try to drop by SJMC during my lunch hour later..

your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

http://web.tickle.com/rd/50631/

However, lately, i can't seem to maintain a hold on that supposedly 'calmness' of mine.. ;p ntah ler.. my mum said it's coz of that thyroid thingy.. i'd get irritated on the smallest of things.. i know that there's people out there with much much worst problems that mine, but still i dwell too much on my own minuscule issues.. have to remind myself to belajar bersyukur banyak2 :p

be thankful for what you have.. and not think abt what you don't.. right?

Hish.. my transfer is gonna be postponed for at least another 1 1/2 mth.. what la.. what to do? first, they promised me that it would be 1st january.. then due to my manager leaving the company, postponed it to Mar.. then, my boss transferred himself out of the job, leaving me with 2 new managers in charge.. erk! senang nye dia transfer out within 1 week.. kita nie dah 3 bulan, still takde pa per.. hampeh..

now the guy who's suppose to swap jobs with me is leaving the company, so the boss said that he cant afford (read: too scared) to let me go as no one else have my extended (chewah, iye ke?) knowledge of the job.. wah, i'm so flattered la that you love me so much that you wont let me go.. but then again, how long you want me to keep me here? :( dah penat la wey.. i can't exactly be halfway here & halfway there, right?

whatever la.. whenever you think you'll able to make a decision, then tell me.. dah malas nak pikir..

It's not too much for a girl to ask for, is it? I never asked for money or titles or even looks.. all i wanted was for you to love me.. as it is, no one around me does..

Guess it's just my luck.. just when i thought i finally managed to touch my dreams, it shattered to pieces around me..

Takpe la.. aku redha dengan ujian Allah buatku..

Darn it... :(

Had my checkups yesterday & the doc says maybe we shud have cut down on the dosage as per planned abt a month ago.. but during the last checkup, he said my pulse rate was still not stabil enough (ie has not reached the targeted rate at abt 80).. anyway, now he says that maybe my reading last time was a little screwed up, so now looks like my current dosage may be a little too much.. cheh.. now you tell me..!

so no wonder la recently been feeling so fat (I’m sure I havent change much of what I eat lately..i think la).. also been so depressed & having weird mood swings.. sluggish & slow.. thot I was just depress abt my job & abt other stuff plus having my PMS or something.. altho was kinda puzzled as to why i'm so stressed out right now.. guess got my answers for now..

so doc's gonna cut down my medication for the next 2 weeks & i will have to start weighting myself everytime i see him.. hmm.. so does that mean i can't go on a diet? aiyak.. and i've got a wedding to go to next month.. how to lose these weights in the mean time?

uwaa.. help!!

Just Remember
by ~Ang~

When all the weight of the world,
seems to rest on your shoulders alone,

Just remember,
it is because you are strong.

When everyone turns to you,
when their lives are falling apart,

Just remember,
it is because you have cared.

When work pushes you,
until you are on overload,

Just remember,
it is because you are a success.

When family issues arise,
and it is difficult to cope,

Just remember,
it is because you are human.

When everything begins,
to be "just too much",

Just remember,
you can count on me,

to be there,
to remind you,

that you are strong,
caring and successful.

To remind you,
that you are loved.

When the weight of the world,
seems to rest on your shoulders alone,

Just remember, .
it doesn't... you can call on me.

There are days when you think that you can't go on, remember that out there.. there are people who loves you, who cares.. if only we take the time to let them in.. and over the weekend, this fact was proven to me..

It was totally unrelated of course.. my girlfriends just happened to invite me out for lunch at Pyramid just to catch up on things.. i was feeling a little overwhelmed & admittedly, a little let down by someone.. so i wasn't quite my usual self with the girls.. But i forgot.. that these girls are more than just friends to me.. they're my 'other' family.. we've been there for each other's ups & downs, being on the other side of the world from our own families.. and they know me & care for me, more than i realised.. Thanks babes!! Muaahhh!!

And what wonders some bit of loving and a fun outing can do to your spirits.. :D we should spread more love around us, people.. it'll do you good.. !

Oh no..! Bro was just telling me this morning that his company is planning to lay off quite a substantial number of people.. erk..!! surely not?? I mean, sure it was kinda expected with all those rumours going on, but even i wasn't expecting this kind of number... i doubt that he'd be affected, but then again, given the number they plan to layoff, almost no one is indispensible.. ish ish ish.. sabar je la bang ek..

So if anyone know of any positions out there for a senior exec with 7-8yrs experience in flight/operations management... or something along that line.. do tell me me, ya..

Managed to touchdown to KLIA just before 9am yesterday.. Alhamdullilah..!!
I'll start with the ending, just to get it out of my system..

I was supposed to be back on the 18th, reaching KLIA on the 19th.. just nice la.. took Monday off, to rest plus settle my car service etc.. aleh2.. on 18th morning, right when we were abt to leave for tawaf wida' (the goodbye tawaf/walking around the kaabah), our group leader called us in for a meeting. Apparently our seats have been cancelled...... huh? what? aaa..!! everyone was like stunned.. he explained that apparently the airline overbook their flight by abt 40 seats, and seeing that there's on 14 of us (under group booking), they've decide to cancel our ticket for 18th & provided seats for the locals instead.. for what, u might ask? coz these ppl want to come over to KL to watch the F1.. how is that possible, you want to know? when dealing with such people, sorry to say that such things are not rare occurance.. adeh.. how la?? our bag are already waiting in front of the hotel awaiting for us to complete our wida' & for the bus to pick us up la wey..
after lots more phone calls that morning, KL office says that the matter has been settled & that we should head to the airport.. we didnt quite buy it, but lets try anyway.. off we went for the tawaf wida', with chaos minds.. the group leader, who's also the owner of the tourgroup that we went with, his youngest daughter was admitted to hospital earlier that morning...his brother, who's with us needed to be admitted to the hospital due to his advance stage of diabetes (but came with us anyway as a last resort)... the estate manager has to pay his people's salary on monday... the doctor had a surgery scheduled on thursday.. me, you know la, the only reason my phone has not been ringing off the hook is coz i told them i wont have coverage over there (well, plus i can't charge my battery either).. - see how badly all of us had to go home??!!

Anyway, the flight was at 5, & we were still fighting with the airlines guys by 4.. so definitely no chance of that then.. by then, we were told to decide whether to return to Makkah or stay in Jeddah for the confirmation.. we're trying to get the next flight out which was the next evening, but also turned out to be fully booked.. in fact tried to get 4 seats, for the brother+wife & estatemanage+wife.. but was told to wait for the decision.. since we're already staying that the Jeddah hotel under the airline's expenses, even before knowing the turnout for the next day's flight.. and finally told that no one will fly earlier than the 21st, we finally decided to accept our fate.. there's no other flight in between that and luckily, if you can call that, the airline decided to confirm our ticket together with the second group (another 14's initery included staying in Makkah till the 21st). Otherwise, i'd shudder to think about it..

as my mum put it.. maybe god has decided that our group, mostly being professionals and all, had deserved this extra rest, all paid for, after we've completed our umrah & before we start back our hectic lifestyle.. in that case, what can we say, but alhamdullillah...

I'll be leaving for umrah the day after tomorrow..
Doakan i selamat pergi & selamat kembali.. insya allah..

Argghh.. next time remind me NOT to be bridesmaid no more.. :(

Eh, did I tell u that the bride was deaf? So’s the groom, but the groom can read lips & speak a little… but she’s really pretty tho & really2 sweet..

I didn’t go for the akad, although the auntie did invite me.. it was kinda an afterthought type of invitation, and she didn’t really invite my parents either..so.. malas ah.. anyway, apparently, the groom had to write down the lafaz akad, although the tok kadi insist that he also “say” it secara lisan.. in any way, as long as he understands it.. interesting huh.. ?

Anyway, abt those practice2 stuff.. aiyo.. red carpet only goes so far la.. come on la, how big is kelana jaya seafood pun, right?.. dunno why la they are so particular abt it.. the other pengapit wanted to speak/practice 1 last round before the actual one, but coz the bride’s parent tuh so busy asking me to change outfit la, change tudung la.. i didnt really want to wear the original outfit coz it's waay too big on me, but since they insist, whatever la.. the fitters pun so la the stuck up.... in fact, didnt even tell me that there's an extra tudung that I can wear.. last minute finally told me abt it & helped me wear it... cheh..

Anyway.. I don’t mind to help you people out & stuff.. but being a pengapit is meant to be in the background, isnt it? surely not meant to ‘steal the thunder’ from the pengantin right? ni dah la tak sponsor outfit pun nor tell me exactly what u want.. pastuh lagi mau ini, nak itu, tak nak camnie, aiyoo.. namanye menyusahkan org tau !

Flood.. ? yesterday afternoon, as i was abt to have lunch (at an usrah organised by my mum's friends).. he msgd me saying that my area is badly flooded.. huh?

when i left the house on friday, it was raining soo heavily, i was half drenched just trying to get into the taxi.. :( luckily i didnt came down with any fever, given that i was so chilled in the plane.. aiyoo.. wished i had followed mum's advice to always wear socks & proper shoes.. brrr...

anyway, spend sat morning shopping for that cream/gold themed outfit for the 'big' wedding this weekend.. ish.. so la difficult having to comform to specific outfit, i'm only gonna be the 'pengapit'.. it's not like u're getting it for me, you know! ;p but what the heck, a girl could always use another new outfit right?.. ahaks.. managed to find one, altho a little large, the workmanship is pretty good... it is the only size that i could find.. unless the bride's mum would approve any of my other close-enough-to-the-colour-that-she-wants baju kurungs.. ;p so will have to find time later today to get my outfits "approved"...

the rest of the day, of course was spend at Miss.Best.Friend's do.. she had the most gorgeous make-up ever.. hehe.. :D altho, i'd prefer her normal shade of lipstick.. hehe.. but what do i know huh?.. i don't remember meeting much of her extended family, but somehow they all seem to know who i am.. hehe.. how come suddenly so popular one eh? Mr.F intro'd me & my mum to his mum.. as if his mum would know who i am, eh? whatever la ek.. what's important is, the event went pretty smoothly, even tho visitors' were late for the do.. hehe...

back to when i got the msg abt the flood, tried asking bro.. but i guess, since he didnt know i came back to the Island, he just gave me a vague answer.. duh! altho, later i found out that his FIL is in hospital for his heart problem.. ;( already been a week & yet, didnt tell us abt it.. )anyway, since no one wanted to offer to pick me up (as usual la tuh..sob! sob!)... got into the cab.. the driver said to just brave it thru Bt3, i said go ahead la.. it's already almost 7 by then.. so lucky us, the road are already cleared by then, although not the houses.. Alhamdullilah, my place itself was not affected by the flood.. :)

hehe..what la have i've been rambling abt eh? now still so tired.. and i've developed a headache already.. :( i think now would be a good time for me to go face the aunti.. then i can go home & lie down.. :p

Aiyoo.. i think i've chosen myself the wrong career.. It's not joke trying to close every single problem in the whole world... well, in my world anyway.. in 1 day.. (well, even tho you have the whole month to do work..somehow or rather.. the bulk of it always seems to come on the last day of the month.. and usually after lunch.. :o )

anyway.. on more cheerful thoughts.. i need to get to the end of this meeting asap & rush home.. my cab's coming at 15 to 7.. (which btw, they've been over efficient & came this morning instead.. heheh..) & i'll be flying to the Island for the big DO over at Miss.Best.Friend.. can't wait.. ! :D Also, will need to start packing for my big trip next month.. so will be hauling back those stuff back to KL with me for the final packing.. hmm, speaking of that, i so need to get some new shoes for the trip.. can't be wearing my pink beach slippers over to where i'm going.. pangkor bolehla..

allright.. meeting's over.. (yes, i am being naughty & trying to type this during my call..hehe).. so now i can leave.. i hope..

have a good weekend y'all... !

There's so many things that i've thought of writing down.. but somehow when i do have the chance to do so, nothing comes to mind.. ;p anyway, when it comes to me, then i'll write it.. hehe..

I've yet to confirm what i'll be wearing next weekend.. a friend of my mum's requested that i be her daughter's bridesmade.. i guess so.. anyway, the thing is all my weekends are full booked, for now anyway..hehe.. so havent had much chance to really talk to the auntie abt what she wants me to do.. just had my teambuilding thingy last weekend at Bukit Tinggi.. which after 2 days of "main air", i'm lucky i havent came down with a fever.. (the head did feel a little hot tho.. ). Well, i sure do not want to get sick now of all times.. i've got Miss.Best.Friend's do this weekend.. and that wedding thingy next weekend.. and then i'm off for a hols for 2 weeks.. yeay.. can't wait!

however, with all these plans laid out, that means i'll be missing 2 of my friends' wedding.. :( and i so wanted to go that ex-schoolmate of mine.. i havent seen her since i left form 6.. waayyy wayy back then.. darn it.. takpe la..

erk.. i better be leaving soon.. i already have to be in office tommorow nite for a call.. and i still havent packed nor call a cab yet for friday.. and i so need to mop my floors, so darn dirty.. hmm, the perils of living on your own - no one to clean your mess for you! :(

i know..i know.. there's so much arguments whether we should or should not celebrate v-day.. for me, even though i've never actually celebrated the day before, i still think that the days simbolised something special.. doesnt have to be this specific day of course that you show your loved to those dearest to you, but i guess it does help provide some ideas, esp to those who dont usually show much affection to their love ones on other days.. hehe..

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. ~ by Erich Fromm ~

ada ke patut... yesterday I went to this appreciation lunch at this Chinese restaurant in one of the hotels near The Office..and my colleagues didnt tell me that the soup had sharks fin?!? aiyoo... Well, it was supposed to be that black chicken broth with herbs or something.. so the sharks fin (skit je) was part of the herbs stuff.. btw fyi, I cannot take sharks fin – ada pantang.. (it's a looongg story..).. anyway, didnt expect the "chicken" soup to contain sharks fin..

also, guess what else was part of the herbs? Seahorse! Eek..! and it's 'whole' lak tuh (they said that it was the dried stuff).. ish ish.. luckily the soup was barely in my mouth when they told me abt the sharks fin, so terus tak jadi makan.. and that was before we found the seahorse thingy.. :p euww! happened to be that our table had only 1 chinese girl, as compared to the other table where most of them were chinese... so our table had a pretty hilarious lunch as everyone kept poking at that seahorse (yeah, the guys pulled it out of the soup & sort of tried to pushed it under that rotating or whatever u called that rotating thingy on top of the table )... & also kept checking whether the rest of the dishes had any other "interesting" ingredient.. (we do suspect that someone in the other table did eat the seahorse, but no one really wanted to ask abt it.. hehe).. luckily there's none, but given the slow service that we had, everyone (in my table that is..) pretty much gave up after the 3rd dish..heheh..

Anyway, just to end the story, most the table-members did finish up the soup in their bowl, altho no one wanted to take any second helpings.. hehe.. nor did anyone took 'anything' other than the soup ie the chicken/herbs/etc.. yours truly totally set the bowl aside, untouched.. heheh.. karang tak pasal ler if i had it.. aiyoo.. minta simpang byk2..

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes" !

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Source: From Dreams of Desire, Published by Mountain Dreaming, Toronto, Ontario Canada
Author: Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I just heard that a (ex)neighbour of mine just gotten a divorce.. i'm not really that close to him, nor his sister who is my age, but we knew each other somewhat.. he got married in 2003 and his baby girl is abt my nephew's age, 1+. well, i dont exactly know what to say, except that.. kesian kat anak dia..

Why is it that marriage these days dont seem to last? How is it that our parents.. and their parents managed to live together, even still love each other, after 30-40 years..? What is so different between then and now? I still have yet crossed that line into marriage yet.. but hey, you hear stories like this & it freaks you out, you know..

Ntah le..

"I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that there's always somebody there, somebody that's family."

--Trey Parker and Matt
Stone, South Park, Cat Orgy, 1999